Twelve Christmas Gifts for Singles
- by Philippa Courtney
During the past few years that I have been writing
my weekly AskPhilippa column, my life lessons have come back to me through letters from my readers. I want to share these
lessons with you as gifts for the New Year. This coming year is full of promise and unlimited
Let’s experience it together.
Gift 1: Forgive yourself. All your mistakes and regrets are in the past. It’s time to move
on with a new view of yourself and your life. This is the beginning of an exciting new chapter. Turn the page.
Gift 2: Realize that singleness is a stage. Being alone affords you the opportunity to become
more aware of what you want out of life. Use this precious time to discover what makes you happy and the kind of person you
want in your life. Then you’ll be able to recognize them when they appear.
Gift 3: Accept yourself. You don’t need
to become someone else to find love. There is no greater joy than having someone love you -warts and all. Look at the people
who already like you; see yourself through their eyes and so will someone else.
Peel off labels that limit you. You are not your extra pounds, divorce, lack of hair, physical challenge, or age. These are
excuses, not explanations for why you may be alone. Your essence, the spirit that shines from within, is what defines who
you are. See that in you and others will too.
Gift 5: Seek friendship while you
date. Encourage, accept, and focus on each other’s better qualities. Realize friendship and romance needs to coexist
to form a foundation on which a relationship can endure.
Gift 6: Give bad dates
the heave-ho. Don’t clutter your life with people you don’t like. Make room for the good ones and date a variety
of people to get a clearer sense of the type of person you want to be with - soon you’ll date a better class of wrong
person until the right one comes along.
Gift 7: Focus on how you feel, Don’t
worry about how the other person feels about you. People don’t make you happy, but certain types of people contribute
to you feeling good. Become aware of how you feel around others and the right ones will find you.
Gift 8: Exercise your funny bone. Laugh at the absurdity of situations and people that you meet and you’ll
survive the bozos or bozettes you date. The majority of unmarried people say a good sense of humor is a top requirement for
their dates. Laugh at life and others will want to be with you.
Gift 9: Take your
dates off their pedestals. When you are a pursuer or being pursued the focus is on winning the prize. Instead of chasing the
unattainable, or being unattainable when you’re chased, seek a relationship based on being real and your relationships
will be too.
Gift 10: Delete the negative statistics. Read the tabloids -Happiness
is not the domain of the good-looking, rich and famous. Everyday people over forty tie the knot, short, bald men get married,
and full-figured women find love. Focus on supply not shortages and your life will always be filled with love.
Gift 11: Ride out dating cycles. When you feel that you are in the dating desert realize you need
space in your life to let your wounds heal or you risk sabotaging your next relationship. The lonely
times will pass quicker by finding solace in friendships and supporting others.
Gift 12: Show genuine interest in others. One of the greatest turn-ons is being with someone who is focused
totally on you. Learn to really listen to your dates, remember the things they tell you and inquire about their day. This
kind of attention is more important than fancy cars and fabulous looks.
AskPhilippa is a dating
advice column for smart single adults written by Philippa Courtney, the author of the book "4 Steps to bring the Right Person
into your life Right Now!" For more information, go to www.AskPhilippa.com.
Q. Have a question? Are you a divorced or single adult with a question about bringing lasting love into your life,
determining what you really want in someone, or how to be an educated consumer of dating resources?
A. Send an e-mail
to Philippa at AskPhilippa@Meant2Be.com (please include your first name, city, and state which will be kept confidential).
We can’t give personal replies but we will try to address your concerns in future columns.
© Copyright 2001,
Meant2Be Unlimited, Inc., All rights reserved. The publisher authorizes you to distribute this column, in its entirety (including
this copyright statement), to anyone you choose.
How to Create Your Ideal Life -
by Barbara Rose
When I lost it all,
I felt powerless. During my darkest hours, I wrote letters to God asking “why?” I received answers in writing.
If you have either lost it all, or you are not passionately thrilled with
your life, here is how you can turn it all around. It is easy!
you stop to consider what’s on your mind most of the time, I think you’ll find that your thoughts
focus on those areas of your life that you are not happy about.
who have achieved self-love and who are fulfilling their life’s passion in their work reached joy only
by going through a process that was fraught with self-doubt, fear, insecurity, rejection, low self-worth, pain, and hard life
I compared myself to others who were
successful and wondered, “What is wrong with me?” I wondered, “Why is my life
like that of a person with a Ph.D. driving a cab?” I would look at women I admired and ask myself, “Why are they
successful, fulfilling their dreams in joyful, prosperous careers, while I am struggling?”
I questioned myself. I searched within. I wrote letters to God pleading for answers. And I received those answers in writing.
In our universe there is little physical proof
about how to achieve the manifestation of our dream life. We have been so conditioned to live trusting
just our five senses that we ignore the strongest sense of all. That sense I will refer to as “instinct.”
You instinctively know your potential. You feel frustrated because
you sense there must be a better way. Your feelings and senses are right.
On the other hand, you are scared to death of the unlimited power and potential you have within. Your past is your comfort zone because it is the only way you know. Your unconscious negative
thoughts - your complaints, worries, doubts, anxieties, fears, and insecurities - are part of that comfort zone.
But your soul, or instinct, knows all you are capable of. Your instinct trusts that you deserve and will receive what your heart truly desires.
So you have a little battle going on inside: self vs. instinct or soul. Your heart, soul, and instinct say: “Go for it! You can do it. You
were born to succeed. You deserve the best. If you want to travel to the other side of the world,
you can!” So you then feel inspired or excited.
self steps in and says, “Are you crazy? How can you travel to the other side
of the world when you don’t have enough money to buy food? Be realistic. You’re a dreamer. This is impossible.
Stop fantasizing. Get back to reality.”
Does any of this
sound familiar to you? Does your heart tell you one thing and your head another?
Do you feel deep within that you are in this life for a specific purpose, and then does
your logic tell you otherwise?
Do you truly believe
that one person has the ability to fulfill his or her dreams, and you do not?
Do you have a talent, gift, or inborn ability in a certain area? I would venture to say the answer is
yes. Are you using it? Developing it? Exploring the possibilities or experiences you can create in your life because of it?
Or, do you avoid that area all together because it is scary to go there?
If you avoid fulfilling your inborn potential, then you avoid your life purpose. You avoid what your heart
wants the most: your ideal life. This is the reason for your frustration, fear, doubt, anxiety, illness, worry, and pain.
I will give you a major indicator as to what is
winning in your life: self or soul. If it feels good and right, it is right, and that is your heart and soul winning. That
is your true essence coming to the surface. When your head jumps in and tells you every reason why what feels so right is
logically so wrong, then your self has won and has pulled you back into your old comfort zone. Then you stagnate and, as a
result, you feel some form of pain.
to how you create your ideal life is to do what you feel excited about doing.
You follow your heart, soul, conscience, and that “still small voice” within that guides you,
which is your instinct. You form a picture in your mind of your ideal life, and when you feel excited, you keep reinforcing
that excitement with the assurance that you can be, do, and have all you picture.
As soon as you
feel out of your comfort zone, expect that your head will jump in with every doubt, disbelief, criticism, negative
view, impossibility, and impracticality to pull you right back into the old version of yourself and your life that you are
now striving to outgrow.
“As you think, so you shall have.”
That saying is true.
But another saying, “Seeing is believing,” is not - as least not when it comes to creating the life you want.
For that purpose, you must turn the saying around: “Believing is seeing.”
You have to picture it - whatever “it” is - mentally. Only then will you receive
it. When you picture your ideal life, day in and day out, somehow your subconscious mind cannot distinguish between past and
future. It focuses on the exact picture you hold in mind, the one you have the most feeling for.
Now, I actually did this in the form of a treasure map. This is an empowering
and powerful tool you can use to create and manifest all that you desire in your life. The process is actually quite simple, and it’s fun, too.
Take a pile of old magazines and cut out pictures of everything you want to be, do, and have. I mean,
get down to business. How do you really want to look, feel, and be? What exactly do you want to own? Where precisely do you
want to travel? How do you really want to spend your leisure time? What does your ideal mate look like? How do you want to
contribute to the lives of others?
From the magazines,
cut out the pictures and words that will form a large, detailed picture of your life. Your ideal life, your dream life. And
don’t hold back. Go all the way!
When I did this,
I was a student in school, broke and struggling, but very excited about creating a brand-new life for myself. One of the pictures
I cut out was of the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem. I had always wanted to go to the Middle East. I thought it would take
many years for me to get there. Six weeks after creating my treasure map, I was standing in front of the Dome of the Rock
That was the picture that I had
the most feeling for, so that was what I manifested first. The treasure map works! The universe is not void. Our thoughts
do have power. That which we focus on, we draw directly to us.
simply will it, like some sort of forced mind control. That won’t work. You
have to genuinely believe in what you want to bring about in your life. The most important factor in the process is your feeling
of excitement about what you want to see come into your life. Once you have true inner belief, conviction, and natural excitement,
the key to receiving what you wish for is to let go. Let go and trust that you will receive all
you desire, simply because you deserve to receive every joy you can conceive.
I do understand that letting go is the hardest part. But when you look at this treasure map, day in and day out,
and you see in those pictures the ideal life you want, somehow, bit by bit, the pictures become your reality.
In my case, perhaps because so many of the pictures
seemed to be out of the realm of logical possibility at the time, I did not expect to achieve my desires quickly; I was not too attached to having them become manifest right away.
Each picture represented
a genuine want, but how could I be emotionally attached or feel desperate about something like a trip to the other side of
the world when I barely had money to buy groceries? Perhaps my lack of attachment kept me out of my own way.
When we hold on too tightly, we instill fear instead of the
faith or belief or self-worth that needs to preside. Every one of us deserves to have it all in our lives. Why should someone
else have it all and not you?
In a nutshell, DECIDE
to create every thing and experience you want. Picture it. Know when it feels right, and exciting, it is on its way to you.
The Man Who Achieved Everything He Could By Yuri Alkin
They say that once upon
a time, there lived a man who wanted to achieve everything he was capable of achieving. He was obsessed with this desire. He ate, slept, and walked with one and only dream: to die, having accomplished every single thing he was able to accomplish.
There were so many things he could do. He felt like the whole world could be his,
if he only set his mind to it. At times, he was even horrified by the powers hiding in his mind and heart. He was certain - in fact - he knew that his potential had no limits.
He knew that he
could accumulate power that would dwarf the power of ancient kings; he knew that he could write books that would shake the minds of generations to come; he knew that he could
invent things that would forever change the lives of millions of people. He lived, constantly feeling the power within - and that power knew no bounds.
There was only one obstacle: having such a potential, but only one
life, he had to make a choice. He had to decide where to apply all of his enormous abilities. Making that decision was extremely
hard, for any choice meant cutting off some future achievements.
And so in the meantime,
he went to school, graduated, found a respectable well-paid job, married, and bred children. And he spent every minute of
his spare time trying to decide where he should apply all his might. Even though he was not interested in applying it to his
work, his power was impossible to hide. He was successful in everything he touched, and he earned great respect
of the people who worked with him. And all the while, he thought to himself:
Imagine what I would
achieve once I concentrate entirely on the area of my choice.
Time went by, and he
Some roads he used to
dream about became closed to him. But there was still so much he could accomplish. And he kept thinking hard while working, raising children, dealing with everyday problems, and knowing that his potential had no limits. And most people who knew him were of the same opinion, for it was impossible not
to realize this, being around him for a while.
One day, a sudden chest pain made
him come home early. He dragged his feet to the bathroom. There, feeling weak and empty, he looked in the mirror. A worn-out,
gray-haired man stared back at him. But his eyes, though red and tired, were still full of unrealized potential. He peered
into these eyes and, all of a sudden, realized one simple truth. The next moment, the pain pierced
his heart again, and it stopped beating forever.
Everybody cried, even those who
knew him only slightly. The pain of this loss was staggering. Not only had he been a good man but they also knew what great
potential had died with him. True, he had spent his life trying to make the choice, but imagine what would’ve happened
had he made it.
After all, he was so
close to making it, and he hadn’t been that old. He could not have had this feeling of unlimited
potential for nothing. His potential was truly unlimited. The choice was about to
be made, and very soon he could have achieved anything. His life could have become a shining monument, which would have forever
inspired future generations. What a loss! What a tragedy! They cried and cried and cried. And they didn't know what he had
realized the moment before he died.
The truth that came
upon him was rather simple. People only flatter themselves by thinking that they could have achieved this or that if not for
such-and-such circumstances. Yet this is nothing but delusion. At any given moment, as long as you've been healthy and haven’t
been thrown into the midst of war, crime or forces of nature, you always achieve everything you can. You simply lack something
that is necessary for achieving that goal you've never reached - a talent, a skill, willpower, a set of priorities, or something
Like it or not, realize
it or not, believe it or not, but you simply lack it. You just think you've got what it takes, and only these insurmountable
difficulties have prevented you from reaching the ultimate heights. But in reality, what you don't achieve is something you're
not capable of achieving.
Creating Unlimited Belief for Success!
By Richard Gorham
What's holding your team back from experiencing "breakout performance"?
It may be those
Old Beliefs and Personal Insecurities (aka: conceptual barriers)?
Conceptual barriers are the barriers
that are right behind the eyes, DEEP within the brain. "Beliefs" which were planted at a very young age and re-enforced over a long period of time - which is why they're so
hard to "dislodge".
Use the following exercise to help your team members identify their
limiting beliefs and feelings. Then explain how those beliefs and feelings directly impact (positively and negatively) their bottom-line results.
Before we proceed, keep the following quote in mind - it's a powerful reminder of why it's so important to complete sales management activities.
"Successful people DO, what unsuccessful people are not willing to do."
Here are the 4 Steps to Overcome Conceptual Barriers:
Step One - Uncover Negative Self-Talk
Ask the employee to tell you what he or she "least" enjoys about each step of the sales
management process. Follow up by asking how that particular aspect of the process makes the employee feel.
- Prospecting / Cold
Calling - (feels like I'm intruding)
- Asking for the Business
like I'm being pushy)
- Cross-Selling / Up-Selling
like I'm taking advantage)
- Assumptive Closing
like I'm being presumptuous)
Step Two - Identify Beliefs that are the root source of negative feelings toward sales management practices.
Go back to our prior examples of Old Beliefs that get in the way of our progress in the sales management process:
- Don't talk to strangers
- It's impolite to talk
- Never interrupt important
- Wait to be asked
Help the employee understand and be aware of why it's that they may feel the way they do.
Employees should understand that they feel the way they do for a reason. Once they understand this it can be much easier for them to make a decision to overcome their Old Beliefs(s).
Step 3 - Turn Limiting Beliefs into Unlimited Possibility!
Illustrate the following
to your employee so they can clearly see how their beliefs and feelings ultimately "pre-determine" their outcome.
On one hand:
Positive Beliefs » Positive Feelings » Actions » Positive Results
And on the other hand:
Limiting Beliefs » Negative Feelings » Inaction » Negative Results
So based on the preceding, it's obvious which hand offers the most value - correct?
Step 4 - CHOOSE a path together!
Obviously, if an employee is unwilling to work to overcome conceptual barriers, then you
should agree that a sales position isn't the right fit.
You should either find a more suitable
role for the person, or part ways so he/she may pursue a more rewarding opportunity somewhere else.
Let's assume however that the employee seeks to overcome their conceptual barriers and is willing to
take ownership of their plan for improvement.
As the leader, you have an important role to play in your employee overcoming their limiting beliefs. You're responsible for supporting the employee in 3 key
areas. Once again, they are:
TEACH: lead by example, reinforce positive actions and behaviors
COACH: help to improve technique, debrief progress, track results, ensure employee stays on task
EXPECT: inspect what you expect, hold yourself and your employee accountable for continued improvement and increased results.
In conclusion, ask yourself
the following question.
Can you name one person who is a top performer that:
The answer to each question? "Of course not!" Right?
- believed he wouldn't be successful?
- feels she shouldn't
- doesn't take the actions
necessary for her to become successful?
So by default we must agree
that in order for anyone to be successful, he/she must understand what's holding him or her back.
Then, she must be willing to work to overcome
obstacles and choose to proactively follow a corrective action plan.
Finally, he must "execute" the plan.
Through this process he will build new beliefs that will enable him to discard that old and tired, limiting belief.
Mindfulness of Feeling
by Mahathera Henepola Gunaratana
One quarter of the Buddha's
teaching is based on feeling, which is the first truth that he taught for forty-five years. It is in not understanding this truth that we are leashed to repetition of birth and death in one form or another.
To a lesser degree it also is one of the four foundations of mindfulness as outlined by the Buddha in several Suttas.
An ordinary person and a more
enlightened one differ from each other in their response to feelings. While an ordinary person, for instance, would cling to the pleasant feeling and reject the unpleasant, the more enlightened one neither clings to the pleasant nor rejects the unpleasant. Rather he pays total mindful attention to both and always maintains a balanced mind with regard to both.
All living beings, without
any exception, feel. Not very many of them, however, use feeling as a means of gaining deeper insight into the reality of their experience, while avoiding emotional reaction. Human beings who use their mind to think and create are in a very advantageous position.
Unfortunately, however, not
many human beings use their feelings as a way to develop their humanness or humane qualities. There are many human beings who have not learned to use their unlimited mental capacity and feelings for further development of their mind.
When somebody asks you,
"How are you?" You would say "I am fine." or "I have never felt better." or "I am O.K. and how about yourself?" or "I don't
feel well today." or "I have a bit of an upset stomach. " or "I feel miserable today." Here you express your feelings but not any particular reason for how you feel. If you were to perform a psychological analysis you would make a distinction
between feelings and sensations.
In your daily expression,
however, you use these two terms indiscriminately. In order to maintain consistency in this article, I, too, therefore, will use the term "feelings" indiscriminately to mean both "feelings" and "sensations". It may be better to put the difference between these two terms on the back burner until you have completely
read this article. I am not trying to make any neurological analysis here of how feeling occurs. My attempt is to point out how feelings should be used as an object of mindfulness training so that you would be able to live with all kinds of feelings without having a nervous breakdown.
Feeling should be used as a mechanism for gaining deeper insight into the reality of feelings. We know from the moment we were born until we breathe our last breath we operate on feelings. Feeling arises from the periphery due to designation contact or from the deep down our own state of mind due to impingement contact.
As soon as our senses
come in contact with their objects we become conscious of our feelings caused by peripheral contact. Initiated simultaneously with the development of our nervous system, feeling was present even as we were in our mother's womb. When our mother ate hot food we felt the heat. When she ate cold food we
felt the cold. When she was angry we felt her agitation and tension. When she moved we felt her movements. When she sang we heard her singing. When she cried we heard her cry. When
she laughed we heard that too. While we may not be able to recall this, nevertheless, we felt all of them.
As soon as we were born
we cried not only because we felt sad that we had to leave our mother's womb, or not only because
we thought that if we did not cry that people wouldn't pay attention to us, but because we felt the change of atmosphere. From the warm, dark and comfortable environment in the mother's womb we were thrust into the cool, blinding bright light and uncomfortable surroundings with several people around us.
We had never experienced
this before. From the moment we started our struggle of life as a unicellular being, we have been experiencing feelings. From the moment our nerve cells or neurons began to develop we have been experiencing our feelings. When the feeling pleases us we wish to have more of it and when feeling does not please us we wish to reject it. This is our natural reaction.
Our entire search - struggle,
achievements, improvement, development, inventions, working hard or not, desire to live or not to live - depends on how we feel. Our search for food, clothing, medicine, shelter, sex, heat, cold, and much
more, depends on our feelings. When we feel cold we look for heat. When we feel hungry we look for food. When we want to evacuate we go to a suitable place
to fulfill that feeling.
We have discovered,
manufactured, developed or improved many things because of what we feel. We create and procreate according to our feelings. Even our reasoning began from our feelings. All that we do depends on our feelings. Our reaction to any situation depends on how we feel. After reacting to the situation we may rationalize our reaction. All
our emotional reactions depend on how we feel about a situation.
emotional reactions to feelings gradually nourish our ego. When emotional reaction becomes a habit we rationalize our emotional reaction and defend ourselves saying, "I have every right to defend my feelings when somebody hurts my feelings."
When we begin to learn
the universal nature of feelings we begin to train our minds to use it for the benefit of all living beings, rather than becoming selfish.
When we learn to train our minds to use feelings as objects of our mental development, we learn more about it and make the full use of it with deeper
When you universalize
your feelings you become more mindful about not saying anything to hurt anybody. Nor can you do anything to destroy any living being. All living beings feel the fear of death. Of course, if you ignore others' feelings, you may justify doing anything. Most of the time your justification does not come with feeling. You rationalize anything if you can ignore others' feelings.
fanatics are well known for this. Some people, while putting their own religions on high pedestals, use abusive or disparaging language to attack people belonging to other religions, because they ignore their feelings.
All these are
but a few examples of how much you suffer from your own feelings. If you look at your feelings with understanding, you would not be very upset to see somebody different from you. You won't get annoyed if someone speaks a language you don't understand. If you understand the nature of feelings you can listen to somebody's complaints of pain without yourself complaining. If you don't understand feelings you may be very obnoxious, arrogant and insulting, and later suffer for this behavior.
When you train yourself
to have mindfulness of feelings your whole attitude will change and you will feel more comfortable in noticing differences in the world. Notice your feeling - pleasant, unpleasant or neutral - focus your total attention on it without thinking or saying, "Ah! My head aches," or "My leg aches," etc. Unless you pay total attention to your feeling, you won't know what is behind it.
Pay total attention
to your own feeling and begin to notice the pleasant feeling behind your unpleasant feeling. Only by giving total attention to something can you notice what is behind that thing. If you have enough patience to observe your feeling, you will also notice that it is changing. You would not notice this change in feeling if you did not pay attention to it. It is your attention, not the word, that brings things to the surface of your mind.
Suppose you feel depressed. If you pay total attention to this feeling without adding any other emotion to it, you will notice your depression gradually diminishing. Of course, you may make your depression more miserable and even may have manic depression lasting for several days if you become attached to it. Or you can get rid of it very quickly if you learn to accept the reality of change that takes place during every moment of your feeling. Fortunately for you even unpleasant feelings are impermanent.
Suppose you wake up
one morning with a terrible headache. Immediately find a reasonably quiet place in your house or apartment and spend some
time quietly sitting down, closing your eyes and watching your headache without any presumption or worry, but paying total
attention to it. Soon will you notice your headache diminishing slowly. But if you worry about it, you may make your headache
worse by adding more tension or pressure to it, because you add another feeling - worry - rather than dealing with just one feeling - headache.
Suppose one night
or for several nights in a row you cannot sleep. Following morning you wake up and you feel a little uncomfortable. If you
begin to worry about not sleeping you may have more uncomfortable feelings. Now it is this worry, not the sleeplessness that makes you feel greater discomfort. If, on the other hand, you take it easy
and don't worry about not having a good night's sleep, you feel better. This means that you can use your feelings to make you feel either comfortable or uncomfortable, depending on how you deal with your feelings.
Suppose one day
you feel very peaceful, joyful and happy. Look at that feeling as it is and try to pay total attention to it. As long as you feel peaceful, joyful and happy, try to pay total attention to it and let it fade away when it fades away.
Don't try to make it
permanent. If that feeling disappears, don't get upset; simply accept the disappearance. Welcome it as it is. By accepting it you allow yourself to
recreate it in your mind at another time. If you worry about its disappearance you won't permit it to come back.
What you are really doing
by accepting the disappearance of your pleasant feeling is learning to relax and be comfortable with the change in your own feelings. You cannot force any feeling to stay with you as you wish. It slips away from your grip. The harder you try to keep it with you the quicker it disappears.
If you simply accept it as it comes and let it go as it goes away, you maintain your equilibrium and this permits you to relax.
By the same token,
if an unpleasant feeling arises in you, don't try to reject it or push it away prematurely. It takes time for any feeling to go away. You have to cultivate patience with unpleasant feelings as well. If you lose your patience with it, you lose the pleasantness that can follow the unpleasantness, and even magnify it. When you "take it easy", you make things simple and more comfortable for yourself.
Simply pay total attention
to your unpleasant feeling. You may have certain unpleasant feelings due to a chemical imbalance in your brain. You must admit that whether you like it or not, things in your body and mind change all the time. If you experience certain unpleasant sensations due to a change in hormone balance, you may prolong the imbalance by worrying or by being impatient. If you relax and pay total attention to the hormone imbalance your mind generates better and more positive hormones to transcend the imbalanced
you cultivate a certain mental attitude towards numerous things and persons. This attitude can cause you pleasant or unpleasant feelings. When you mindfully look at your own state of mind, you will see that it is your own attitude that has created that state of mind which results
in one feeling or another. Feeling does not come from the object that you perceive but from your own state or mental attitude. This is why when several people look at the same object they can have several different feelings, several different opinions about the object.
mindfully watch your own mind and feelings, you can see very clearly and unequivocally that what you feel is your own creation and that you are totally responsible for it. Mindfully watching the continuous change of your own feelings can make you abstain from emotional reactions and make you see the truth of your own feelings. Mindfulness of feelings will not cause you to think obsessive thoughts or abusive thoughts or harmful thoughts. By unmindful thinking you abuse your mind. The abused mind always generates abusive feelings, which always is painful. Source