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getting the info organized!
getting the info organized!
getting the info organized!

Warning Signs of Women Who Are Untrustworthy
by Don Diebel
Let's talk about trust in a relationship. Mutual trust is very crucial in establishing a successful relationship.

If you get involved with a woman you can't trust, this can cause some serious problems in your relationship.

So, what are some of the warning signs that the woman you're dating may not be trustworthy? Here's a list of the major ones:

1. She's always late for dates and offers no apology or
explanation. Or even worse, she makes up lousy excuses.
2. She's dishonest with you and you catch her telling you lies.
3. You keep asking her for her phone number at home and she refuses to give it to you. You would think that after a few dates, any normal woman that was sincerely interested in you wouldn't mind you calling her at home.
4. She won't look you straight in the eye when she talks to you.
5. Whenever you try to make plans with her to meet your family or get together with your friends, she makes up excuses to avoid meeting them. Also, she never brings up the subject of meeting her family or friends.
6. After you've been dating awhile she's hardly ever available. Most of the time you can't get in touch with her and she offers no explanation.
7. She constantly gossips about other people. Trust me on this one, if you tell her your deepest secrets, she's going to tell everyone she knows.
8. She's a very selfish person.

So, what do you do if you're dating someone with all or most of these warning signs? I don't know about you, but I don't care to date a woman I can't trust. It makes me lose respect for her.

I'm not advising you to dump every woman who is untrustworthy. I'm just offering you some warning signs so you can make good judgements for avoiding relationships with potential problems that will cause you unhappiness.

Author's Bio
This article written by Don Diebel (Americas #1 Singles Expert). If you would like more free dating tips on how to successfully meet, date, attract, and become intimate with women, please visit his website at:
http://www.getgirls.com - This article is copyright (c) 2004 by Don Diebel and may be reprinted in it's entirety as long as his website, byline, and copyright statement is included.
source site: www.selfgrowth.com

getting the info organized!
getting the info organized!
getting the info organized!

Should I Quit my Job Or Get Fired?
by Kelli Smith
"In the song ""The Gambler,"" Kenny Rodgers sang, ""You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run."" If that seems to sum up your job situation, then you may be wondering if you should quit or allow yourself to get fired. Here are some common situations and how you should handle them.

1. I Need More Money
No one wants to feel overworked and underpaid. If this sounds like you, then perhaps it is time for a change. If you've already been turned down for a raise or work at a company with a salary freeze, then you probably need to dust off the old resume and start job hunting. In general, it's better to already be working when job hunting since many employers may seek a detailed explanation about why you left your last position. So try to stick with your current employer until you find a higher paying gig.

2. I Think I'm Going to Be Laid Off
It seems like everyone knows somebody who has been laid off or has experienced this themselves. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics144,111 employees were laid off in January 2008. If there's a real chance that your job will be cut, it's time to start looking for a new position. While you may be tempted to quit without having a new job, this is probably a mistake for two reasons.

First, your employer may offer a severance package to those who get laid off. This can include severance pay, training to help you get a new job, stress management help, health insurance, and job placement assistance. If you're positive your position is going to be eliminated, you may be able to bargain for a better severance package by approaching your employer before the ax falls. Make sure you understand all the terms of your severance package before signing the paperwork.

The second reason for sticking it out is that even if your employer doesn't offer any severance goodies, your decision to cut and run could affect your eligibility for state unemployment benefits. Many states limit or eliminate eligibility to those who voluntarily leave a position.

3. I Don't Get Along With My Boss
It can be stressful to work for a boss who is moody, unpleasant, untrustworthy, or uncommunicative. Unfortunately, the longer you work, the more likely you are to encounter a boss who is unpleasant to deal with. If it seems unlikely that your relationship with your boss is going to improve, it's probably best to move on. If it's impossible to move to another department in your company then it may be best to leave. In situations where the boss is out to get you and you might be fired, you are in a tough spot. Cover your bases with your company's human resources department and keep records because most states make it tough-to-impossible to collect unemployment checks if your boss claims you were fired for willful misconduct. Quitting may be your best option in this case. Unfortunately, if you quit it's unlikely that you'll receive any severance pay.

4. I'm in a Dead-End Job
It's not easy to get up everyday and go to a job that bores you to tears. Be honest and ask yourself if you're just going through the motions to collect a paycheck. If that sounds like you, then you're probably not being challenged. Being bored on the job can lead to mistakes or sloppy work, which won't win you any favors with the boss. Too many mistakes can lead to getting fired or placed on probation.

Examine your situation and see what you can do (if anything) to improve it, perhaps by adding some skills to get a better position at your company or educating yourself for a wholesale career change. If you can't take much more of your job and think you're really going to walk, make sure you have money to pay your living expenses while you job hunt.

5. My Job Is Making Me Sick
Has your job become so stressful that you can't relax, eat, or sleep? Being in a horrible work environment can actually lead to physical or mental illness. Continuing in a job you hate can make you feel angry, hopeless, or apathetic. If this sounds like you, try taking a break from your job and improving your mental state before making the big decision to quit.

If you're overdo for a vacation take one. Serious health problems may qualify you for a sick leave. If you've built up a lot of goodwill over the years you may even be able to ask for a leave of absence for a period of time. Use the time away to relax and reflect upon what you'd really like to do. The time off may help you decide you need to find a new job, transition to a new career, or even go back to school.

6. I'm Experiencing Discrimination
Federal laws prohibit discrimination and harassment on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, national origin, disability, or age. Being a victim of discrimination can make it impossible to get promotions, pay raises, or other opportunities for advancement. Looking for a new job may be the solution to an unfair situation if you think you're going to get fired.

Many people being harassed end up quitting in frustration. However, if you choose this route, make sure you've documented your situation in case you decide to file a lawsuit or Equal Employment Opportunity Commission complaint. Before deciding to leave your job, find out what kind of complaints process your company has in place to see if you can resolve your situation without having to quit.

7. I Have Young Children
According to the U.S. Census Bureau there were about 5.5 million stay-at-home parents in 2004. Most of these parents were stay-at-home moms who opted out of working to raise their kids. Staying home to raise children is a personal choice that each employee has to make based upon his or her circumstances. But for some parents, the decision to stay home could simply be a matter of dollars and cents. If you really want to be home with your children and all the money you're earning is going to pay for child care, transportation, and other work-related expenses, you may be better off quitting.

Don't let your emotions keep you from making good decisions about your career. Marching into your boss's office and announcing your resignation might be a tempting but less-than-prudent action. Take time to carefully evaluate your situation and finances before leaving any job. Then set up a realistic plan of action for getting out of Dodge."

Author's Bio
Kelli Smith is the senior editor of www.Edu411.org. Edu411.org is a career education directory of colleges and universities, career training schools, and technical institutes.

Dysfunctional Relationships Dynamics Part 1 - Power Struggle
by Robert Burney M.A.
"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems which cause us to be attracted to, and attract to us, the people, who for us personally, are exactly the most untrustworthy (or unavailable or smothering or abusive or whatever we need to repeat our patterns) individuals - exactly the ones who will 'push our buttons.'

This happens because those people feel familiar. Unfortunately in childhood the people whom we trusted the most - were the most familiar - hurt us the most. So the effect is that we keep repeating our patterns and being given the reminder that it is not safe to trust ourselves or other people.

Once we begin healing we can see that the Truth is that it is not safe to trust as long as we are reacting out of the emotional wounds and attitudes of our childhoods. Once we start Recovering, then we can begin to see that on a Spiritual level these repeating behavior patterns are opportunities to heal the childhood wounds." - Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls by Robert Burney

I heard someone at a CoDA meeting this week talk about a truly revolutionary concept that their codependence counselor introduced into a session with her and her husband one day. She and her husband were in a hot and heavy argument when the counselor interrupted to ask, "Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right." She said that it was a question that they had to consider for a while because being right was awful important to them both.

It is normal for relationships in this society to deteriorate into power struggles over who is right and who is wrong. That is because we grew up in a dysfunctional society that taught that it was shameful to be wrong. We got the message that our self-worth depends on not making mistakes, on being perfect - that it caused our parents great emotional pain (or they caused us great emotional or physical pain) when we made a mistake, when we were wrong.

Codependence is an emotional defense system that is set up to protect the wounded inner child within us from the shame of being exposed as unlovable and unworthy, as stupid and weak, as a loser and failure, as whatever it was that we got the message was the worst thing to be. We were taught to evaluate whether we had worth in comparison to others. Smarter than, prettier than, faster than, richer than, more successful than, thinner than, stronger than, etc., etc. In a
codependent society the only way to feel good about self is to look down on someone else. So we learned to judge (just like our role models did) others in order to feel good about ourselves. Being "right" was one of the most important ways to know that we had worth.

When a
codependent feels attacked - which is any time it seems as if someone is judging us - it can be with a look or a tone of voice or just that someone doesn't say something, let alone when someone actually says something to us that could be interpreted as meaning that we weren't doing something right - the choices we are faced with are to blame them or blame ourselves. Either they are right - in which case it proves that we are the stupid loser that the critical parent voice in our head tells us we are - or they are wrong in which case it is time to attack them and prove to them the error of their ways.

In most relationships where the people have been together for a few years they have already established entrenched battle lines around painful emotional scars where they push each others buttons. All one person has to do is use a certain tone of voice or have a certain look on their face and the other person pulls out and loads the big guns. One person is readying their answer in their head to what they "know" the other is going to say before the other even has a chance to say it. The battle begins and neither one of them actually listens to what the other is saying. They start pulling out their lists of past hurts to prove their point of how each other is "doing" horrible things to them. The battle is on to see who is right and who is wrong.

And that is not even the right question.

The type of questions we need to be asking are: "What button just got pushed?" "Why am I reacting so strongly to this?" "How old do I feel right now?" "In what way does what is happening feel like something that happened in my childhood?" "How does this remind me of the way my parents acted or treated me?"

We attract into our lives those people who will perfectly push our buttons for us. Who fit our particular issues exactly. When we are looking at life as a growth process then we can learn from these lessons. If both people in a relationship are willing to look at what is underneath the dynamics that are happening - then some magical, wonderful intimacy can result. As long as we are reacting unconsciously to the past, then we will blame and argue about who is right and who is wrong.

A relationship is a partnership, an alliance, not some game with winners and losers. When the interaction in a relationship becomes a power struggle about who is right and who is wrong then there are no winners.

Author's Bio
Robert Burney is a counselor/coach and Spiritual Teacher whose work has been compared to John Bradshaw's "except much more spiritual" and described as "taking inner child healing to a new level." His book Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls has been called "one of the truly transformational works of our time" - and it's author Robert Burney referred to as "a metaphysical Stephen Hawking." In his book he combines Twelve Step Recovery Principles, Metaphysical Truth, and Native American Spirituality with quantum physics and molecular biology in presenting an understanding of the human condition that is life changing and transformational. He has developed a holistic strategy for emotional healing and spiritual integration that is the next level of recovery from codependency so many people have been seeking. On his web site Joy2MeU.com he shares over 200 free content pages on topics dealing with codependency recovery, inner child healing, relationship dynamics, alcoholism/addiction, fear of intimacy, Twelve Step Spirituality, New Age Metaphysics, emotional abuse, setting boundaries, grief process, and much more.

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